Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
