yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
