you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
