I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
NoShamevember. You game?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
