i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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