i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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