He kissed a someone with a penis
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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