I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
