all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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