Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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