in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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