One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
