In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
