Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
