Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
