I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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