I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
