I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
