the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
