Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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