Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
