In the future we'll all be gay
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
