apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
