matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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