Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
