That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
