i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
