Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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