So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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