farters have to be the big spoon...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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