He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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