It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
