I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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