the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
