This is not my ceiling
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
