Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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