take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
