yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
