Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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