Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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