new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
