Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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