I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How naked do you want me to be?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
