Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
