Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
