Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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