god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
