I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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