so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
