Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
