You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
