You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
