Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
