i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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